I Used to Listen Better in the Church

By Faith Chatham - excerpt from SACRED SPACES - copyright 2009

God, I’m not comfortable with your church.
I feel closer to you when I’m here at home,
or in the yard with the air caressing my cheek,
or watching the bird perched on the patio fence.

Though I love the liturgy
and am fed by your word,
in congregations of people
I feel the distortion;
Distracted by others’ imperfections
I fail to recognize my own.

I used to hear you better when in church,
though I always seemed to hear you best
in church alone!

There is no sweeter chorus
than those I hear
when “no one’s there”.

When kneeling at the chancel rail,
when no mortal footsteps are near,
I feel the breath of Saints and Mary’s presence
and hear you speaking, Jesus.

I’m never closer to you Lord,
than at the communion rail.
Then I close out the world
and taste your Grace.

Though Church is social
and partly intellectual,
I find mortal chatter distracts me
from your face.
Frequently, it’s an arrow
directing me to prayer.

Sometimes,
someone says a phrase
which draws me closer to you.
Yet, usually,
I get distracted
or distract others.

Frequently,
I find it sweeter to sit
and listen
for you Lord, when alone.

In solitude
I hear
the heavenly host,
let you
test the spirits,
and fill me
with your peace.

I don’t fit in
with any of them,
yet they are my brothers and sisters.

Of all times
to be a “high church
Episcopalian!”
I have no peace
about either staying
or going.
I certainly have no allegiance
to the diocese of the Southern Cone,
yet recognize the violence
which propelled
those I love from the fold.

Instead of “evangelism” or “spiritual formation”,
energy and resources are enmeshed
in litigation.

Some mutter
about “them
hijacking a diocese.”

I mutter
about “them
hijacking Advent and Christmas!”

Instead of penance
and Holy Expectation,
communicants
of “both camps”
were thrust into incessant meetings
of reorganization!

I shook my head in dismay,
bewildered,
thinking what a sad way
to welcome the Messiah!

I see the flaws
in all of us;
am repelled
by “self-righteousness”
as each attempts
to “reflect God
as we understand Him”.

Some stand on canon and scripture,
caught in the web
of judging.

Others interpret it
as they see it,
feeling righteous
in “being broadminded”
and “more generous”.

It seems we’re all caught
in the web
of our own thoughts.

Come, Lord Jesus.
Deliver us from ourselves.

May we be protected
from the state
of “us and them.”

There is nothing righteous
in either camp,
yet in You,
everything is Sacred
in both.

-- by Faith Chatham
copyright 2009