Lurking

"He's in your hands Lord.
I give him back to you.
You shared him for a while I know.
I've done my best.
I've given it all I have and can."

"Release me, Lord, to live and love, and hopefully to begin to trust again.
If he wills not be with me, then break the cord and set us free."

"Lord, you know if you will me to love him for all my life I would;
But if he's not going to be here, to live, to breathe, to share, to care,
then why should we tether in this non-existent sphere?"

"I give him back to you, Lord.
I'm honored that you entrusted him to me for a little while.
I wish I could have loved him more perfectly.
I'm amazed at how you enabled me to care and trust and revere him as I did."

"He's made a choice Lord. He's stubborn in his thoughts and will.
He sees me as a danger too frightening to embrace --
the shape and fabric of former hurts from others --
instead of seeing what you blessed he sees us as a pitfall of former failures of his past."

"Patience is a gift you give me naturally,
yet months of silence and nebulous ghostly shadows,
leads me to pray.
If you see a reason for this that is constructive in your world, Lord,
then I submit.
Yet if he won't be here, won't ever let himself trust and care, believe in you and in himself,
then please release me to find another future and a hope.

This time I followed you in loving him.
I trusted because I felt your hand and heart on ours.
I saw You smiling as we fought past tombstones from our pasts
embracing the best we knew in each other and in You.
Then abruptly he balked and fled.

Faith is easy for me Lord. You instill it new each time I stop and know your grace
Grant me poise.
If I'm deluded, then wash away the haze.
If I'm impatient, give me the proper amount of forbearance and understanding.
If I'm just too stubborn to let him loose,
then cut the cord and set us free
to wrap ourselves individually in your Spirit Lord.
I place him back within your arms
Only You know what is true and right .
I long for love that is blessed and eternal in Your Sight."

--- Faith Chatham July 16, 2009