This Time

By Faith Chatham - excerpt from SACRED SPACES - copyright 2009

I didn’t get what I wanted.
I’d fallen in love before
and it had been disastrous.

This time I wanted to walk into love
carefully, prayerfully,
with both of us having time
to explore our own hopes and wishes,
and to consult with God’s heart,
to be sure and steady.

I sought a love that was sound and solid,
suited for earth
with the bliss of heaven.

Instead we found the bliss
and soon we were far
beyond the careful or the steady.

Soon after I trusted and believed,
you came and told me
you were “in over your head”.

I thought I could back-up,
give the love I’d found for you
back to God, and “move on.”

Instead, I found that I didn’t get what I wanted.
Finding myself far from shore
in loving you.

Though God is here,
He doesn’t seem to want
to help me get back.

You’re gone
and I wonder how long
my soul will keep searching for you
in the dark and in the day?

This time, I began in prayer loving you.
I’m still in prayer, seeking a way beyond the dream
which froze in my hand.

I wanted to walk
into love with you.
But love can’t be contained, or timed
or melded out by the tablespoonful.
It flows like water through life’s conduit.

I’m left wondering “what’s happened?”,
listening to see
if “over the head”
is like bobbin’ in the water,
a transitory interruption,
or a permanent outage.

I didn’t get what I wanted.
This time I wanted to walk carefully
into love.

-- by Faith Chatham
copyright 2009